Years ago when my children were little and I was married and I had my consulting business, I was a very busy person. I was a very stressed person. I was beginning to really bring the elements and the understanding I had of spiritual principles into my life. I was just starting at that point to integrate them. I was very far away from where I am today, 20 years later. It was a possibility for me and it was a very big practice for me that was important.
Here I was, in the middle of this learning of this integration-the beginning of this integration and I was still very stressed. One day, in a particularly stressful moment – I don’t even remember the story, the reason behind the stress-it really never matters. The reasons never matter. The results are what we work with.
On this particular day I was really stressed. I was standing in my kitchen with my husband and my two children. My older boy was maybe 7, my younger boy was probably 4. For whatever reason, whatever happened, somebody did one thing that I felt pushed me over the edge and I started to scream. I started to lose it. Everyone in the kitchen froze until I was done with my tirade. At the end of it I was shaking. It was if another being had come into me and taken me over. I wasn’t me. I didn’t know what was happening. I just became anger. I became a state of anger. I don’t know if you’ve had that moment. It’s not a moment I’m proud of. It’s a moment that existed.
At the end of that moment, or moments, in this quiet kitchen, my son came over to me. My older son, Jake, came over to me. He held out his arms and he said, “Momma, you need a hug. You need a very big hug.” I melted into that little boy’s arms.
I’m sharing this story with you because I would think that many of us at some point or another have had a moment where something has happened, we’ve just been pushed over the edge. We’re tired, we’re working hard. People have been unkind to us. We feel not accepted. We feel not appreciated. Elements have come together where you lose it. You become the rage inside of you.
This little boy who came over to me at the end of this experience, who witnessed the whole experience, my son’s response to that was love. My son’s response to that at the age of 7 was to offer his mother a hug. That hug totally transcended me, totally changed me. I melted into it. What it was, was a big cry for love. Angry people, people in pain are a big cry for love.
When I asked my husband later why was it, how was it that a 7 year old boy could come and give me a hug when you could never do that, he responded as many of us would, “Who wanted to hug a screaming, raging woman? Who wanted to hug that?” A little boy did. A little boy who was so close to the energy of love within himself that he knew no other response. His response was to be of love.
From that moment on, I have been guided. I have used that experience for myself over and over. Not the experience of my rage, but the experience of my son’s automatic response, automatic loving response. I’ve used that as my guide, as my goal.
Who wants to hug rage? Love wants to hug rage. Love wants to hug rage.